Episode 55: Spaghettageddon

"Spaghettageddon" is the 55th episode of My Brother, My Brother and Me, which was originally broadcast on May 16, 2011 at 8:44 AM.

Description

"We did another episode together in the same room, sitting on the same couch. We're very, very sorry about the slight dip in sound quality, but we do not apologize for the weird, weird things we say due to our proximity. See you guys at Pasta Party 2012!

Suggested talking points: Destination Wedding, Ally McBathroom, A Frame for Fame, The Gym Ruiner, French Science/British Crime, The Pussycat Discography, The Book of Robots, Sister Sister, The Shrek Ending, Violet Bonergard"

Transcript

Introduction

(Griffin) Live - Live from the spot. Rough and raw, at our daddy's house. We're at our daddy's house. Let me check the date. I just opened up the calendar, it's Pasta Party 2011.

(Justin) Welcome to our daddy's house. We're live from our daddy's couch-

(Griffin) Let me check the spaghettometer, because it looks like we're going full-blown pasta!

(Travis) Spaghett-it-on!

(Griffin) Spaghettageddon! 2011!

(Justin) As you well know, as you've probably guessed we had a, we carbo loaded pre-show here in Ironton. Our stepmom Carol fed us a bunch of spaghetti, we're fuckin' primed for comedy-

(Travis) Force-fed us spaghetti! Against our will!

(Justin) She looked down our throat and said "You're not fuckin' funny enough eat some more spaghetti!"

(Griffin) She shoved spaghett fist-full after fist-full of sweet spaghett into my mouth. I am ready to blow.

(Justin) Noodle up, you unfunny fucks! Time to get spaghett! You dumb [chuckles] you got spaghett!

(Travis) Spa-got, you fucker!

(Justin) You got spaghotten!

(Griffin) For real though, rough and raw. I know people have become accustomed to a certain level of editing juice applied to this show... This is not gonna be one of those eps this is gonna be rough, raw: just cut it, set it, forget it.

(Justin) I, uh, I, we- we are gathered around one mic; the last time we did this, two of us were jet-lagged-

(Travis) And I was drunk!

(Justin) And Travis was drunk. So it's not gonna be like this. This is My Brother, My Brother and Me, it's an advice show for the modren era. I am your most excellent eldest brother, Justin McElroy.

(Travis) And I am the middlest brother, Travis McElroy.

(Griffin) And I'm Griffin. And I'm a child.

(Justin) This is an advice show, we take your questions and turn them into advice. I am drinking a Red Stripe, so this show is coming to you straight from the islands. Feel the rhythm!

(Travis) I've got a Red Stripe going, and an amber brown. No, honey brown, excuse me.

(Justin) I just spilled it on my... Travis, Travis got a beer before we started and then said "I'm gonna need a beer." He had a beer, he has a backup beer waiting-

(Travis) So just so you guys know, if I need an extra burst of energy you'll hear quiet [hissing noise of Travis emulating beer can opening, making 'ahh' sound].

(Justin) And you'll know, because we'll draw attention to it. Uh, our first question-

(Griffin) At some point, also, our daddy is gonna come in the room and take pictures of us, no joke, and it's gonna be super distracting, it's gonna throw us off whatever dope rhythm we're on. So get ready for that moment.

(Justin) I hope he's not, at the, if he is, if he comes through that door in the single tier because he just heard you said that I'm never forgiving you.

Listener Question #1 (3:05)

"I am getting married this summer, and one of my groomsmen is getting married a few months after me. He is having a very small destination wedding, and has decided to specifically not give his friends plus ones, even if they are married. My soon-to-be wife is understandably upset about this; some people she talked to think that I should decline to go to the wedding because she wasn't invited. Ideally I would like my fiancee to be invited, but I also understand my friend's choice to not invite any plus ones, given how small the wedding will be. How can I support my good friend and my fiancee at the same time?"
-Tristan (Not the Marine)

(Griffin) Tristan, Tristan, civillian Tristan.

(Justin) Civillian Tristan. Civi Trist. [brothers collectively sigh] Wow. That is...

(Griffin) Susan, Susan you didn't want to go to Cabo anyway, right? You were just talking the other week about how much you hate destination weddings.

(Travis) Don't take this personally, but Derek specifically does not want you there.

(Justin) It's a destination, the destination is Des Moines. It's not gonna be a big deal. Man, that's brutal. What a great way to start off your wedding life, just pissing off everybody. [Brothers agree]. I honestly think that, straight up-

(Travis) You can't go.

(Justin) -I wouldn't go. I mean, honestly, I mean like if they, it's just. The thing is about a wedding is, as much as it is for you guys, it's just as much, if not more so, for the people who are gathered there. I know it's their special day and what all, but I think that it's, it is a slight, I mean it's like a, it's a-

(Travis) It's especially a slight because it's your friend, like, who's in your wedding, saying, like, whether he has thought about it or not, saying "Hey I know you just got married and are happily wedded for all of three months, but you're gonna need to leave her behind." Like, that's, that's a dick move.

(Justin) Yeah, especially, he's getting married a few months after the question asker, so she's gonna be your wife when that happens. You can't leave your wife behind, especially, ESPECIALLY not if you're going someplace nice. Like really, that is not the way to kick off your-

(Griffin) Destination weddings are the most whorish thing you can do, right?

(Travis) Yeah, it's terrible already.

(Justin) The only way it flies with me is if you invite no one. If it's just like, we were creepy sneaky and we bolted out of there, please come and give us presents in a big room-

(Griffin) What about web cast wedding.

(Justin) Web. Cast. It.

(Griffin) Who's invited? Everyone! 'Cause everyone's got an internet connection nowadays.

(Justin) You got ustream on that phone? You're invited.

(Griffin) Justin.tv my wedding. Please.

(Justin) I'm happy to tv anyone's wedding, by the way. It's for a very reasonable fee.

(Travis) Thank you.

(Justin) Um, honestly Tristan? You are going to learn, very soon, that um, choosing the side of your wife is almost never not the right thing to do. I'm not sure how the negatives are-

(Griffin) How fucked up is your friend that he's like "I want you to come, but not your other half. Not your better half."

(Travis) And I say that kudos to you, for realizing how big an issue, this is a great step-

(Justin) God, you are ahead of the fuckin' game, bro! Good job, I'm proud of you!

(Griffin) See ya, honey!

(Travis) A worser man would've been like "Hey, did I remember to pack my trunks, and my goggles, but not my wife? Ok, cool, I'm out."

(Griffin) "Got the Banana Boat, uh-"

(Justin) "Don't have Barbara."

(Griffin) "Don't have my S.O."

(Justin) Sorry. Sorry, Tristan. I know that's awkward. But honestly, you, that's the kind of awkward you can feel good about. Especially if you're gonna be married, you gotta get used to, you guys are a team now. It's a package deal. Especially if you're gonna be like legally married. It's not like she's your girlfriend, it's a package deal.

(Travis) It might be worth it to talk to your groomsman and be like, "Hey, I'm bringing her." And if he's like "Well, it's a small wedding" then say "Ok then I can't come."

(Griffin) Yeah, put that shit back on him, put that ball right back in his court.

(Justin) Yeah, this is his decision to make. It's you two or nothin'.

Listener Question #2 (6:58)

"On Mother's Day, I took my mom to a nice cafe in NYC for lunch. After we finished eating, she needed to use the restroom; however, there was a woman ahead of her on the line, and both of them had to wait for a long time for the occupant to finish, even though the men's room remained unoccupied. I told her she should just have used the men's room, it was as clean as the women's, the only difference between the two bathrooms was the sign on the door. They were both single toilet rooms, so there was no danger of running into someone of the opposite sex in the bathroom. It's also fairly common for women to use the men's room at an overcrowded bar. [Griffin interjects "Is it?"] What is someone supposed to do in a situation like this? Is the inverse true for men using the women's restroom?"
-Jordan